Tutorial for Super Woman tank

Original Shirt - Fitted T-shirt

My shirt was small so I only cut about an inch on from the neckline and an inch from the sleeve seam. If you have a shirt that is large on you, you might want to cut 2".

Next fold it with the side seams together. I started my cut about 2 inches from the armpit area and left about the same at the bottom. I ended up cutting the bottom later and tied it like the others. 

Lay it back out with the emblem in the front. Then cut about 1" slits all the way down. I stretched each one out a little before tying them. I think my slits were more like 3/4" in though. Once cut, tie each one on both sides.

I put a matching sports bra underneath for more coverage and no regular bra showing. :)

Tutorial for the cinched back t-shirt (up-cycled)

Here's the original shirt

Fold in half, aligning seams

Cut 1"-2" from the neckline, depending on how low you want the neck. 

I based mine on the words on the shirt. On the sleeves, cut 1/2"-1"" (however you want really) from the seam of the sleeve to cut it off....cutting in a slight curve.

Using one of the sleeves you just removed, cut the part that's not on the sleeve itself and cut it so it's one long piece. Sorry, I didn't take a pic of that part. 

Cinch together the back of the straps. Starting at the top, tie a knot. Then wrap it around the cinched part until the end of the extra fabric. Tie a knot at the end of that. Voila! You are done!!

You are done!! I actually ended up moving the fabric down to where it felt comfortable and fit better.

Up-cycling ...love redoing things to use another way

Anyone that knows me well, knows that I am not a t-shirt person. I have those few t-shirts that I have gotten from events that I want to save but I know I won't wear them. Here are a couple of shirts that I redid today. Both are going to be workout tops. Here they are.

BEFORE

AFTER...ignore the t-shirt scraps in the background :)

If you'd like a tutorial, please comment and I'll post one!!!!

My husband found this shirt at Walmart. It came with a hot pink cape. Yeah...for a grownup! Ha! It fit a little snug so I knew I had to do something with it. Here's the AFTER.

It's now a tank and the sides are cut and tied. I put a pink sports bra under it. 

Revamping a Goodwill find

I love finding great deals. Shocker! :) My recent searches have taken place at Goodwill stores and I'm on the hunt for fall/Halloween/Christmas decor. During that search, I found a great little 'thing' for my yard. We just put in flower beds so I've also been excited about my yard. You know you are getting older when....you get excited about gardening. Haha!!! I like my yard to look nice. I have also hung a hummingbird feeder and I'm thrilled that they've been coming to it. They are so cute. Anyway, back to my Goodwill story...so I found this item that I'll probably end up turning it into a bird bath. Here are the before and after pics. The before pic I took right after I started painting it. That's why one mushroom is red.

My baby is in Kindergarten!!!

Oh boy! Where has the time gone!!?? My baby is in Kindergarten. Surprisingly, my emotions didn't get the best of me. I only teared up a little. Maybe it was because she has had 2 yrs of school already, though short days or maybe it was because the day before was so bad that I was glad to have some freedom, maybe even because I sure thought I'd have another child running around before she went to kindergarten. God's plan was a little different than my own. :)

Throughout the day, I wondered how she was doing, if she was home-sick (yeah right) and if she was enjoying it. As I picked her up from school, she spotted me and immediately had a huge grin on her face. I asked her what she did all day and she said "We had snack and we had lunch". Leave it to my child to be excited about getting to eat. :) So I asked her again what she did and she said "We had recess and we played". I then asked the question in a different way. I said "Ok. What did you learn?" Her response. "I don't remember". Crazy kid. Same thing today, she didn't remember what she learned nor could she remember what she got in trouble for. Day two of school and already getting a 5 minute loss of privilege. We had a little talk so I'm hoping that the rest of the week will be better. She no knows her punishment for a bad report and also her reward for a good one! We'll see!

She was really excited for school to start and I can't wait to see what all she learns this year.

1st day of school picture!!

Easy, Affordable Style...dress 'makeover'

By now, you all should know that I love a bargain. With that being said, I typically bargain shop for my clothes too. I found this dress at Walmart...yes, Walmart..and I liked the design and the length so I thought I'd check it out. It was on clearance for $9. You can't beat that! I didn't like how low cut it was though and I knew it wouldn't be appropriate for anywhere really but especially not for church but I figured I could find some way to make it work. So......tonight I was getting my clothes ready for church tomorrow and wanted to wear this new dress. First I grabbed a cardigan (3/4 length) and that would cover up a little but not my cleavage so I needed another solution. **LIGHT BULB** !!!! Here's what I put together.

             BEFORE              

AFTER

Dress $9

T-shirt $5 (approx) ...also Walmart!

Belt I had already. I believe it came with a skirt I bought a while back. It wasn't expensive. 

Tomorrow I'll throw on a long necklace, small earrings and be out the door! You can't beat an outfit for less than $20 !! 

Body Image

Before I start, let me say this. I, in no way, think I'm 'fat' so please don't get offended that a 'skinny' person isn't happy with their body. I mean that in the nicest way possible. :) 

Okay....I'm going to be critical of myself as we all are so bear with me. 

We, as women have our own body issues that we don't like about ourselves. I have always been skinny. I have a small frame so that pretty much comes natural. In my teens and early 20s I was in shape and skinny. I was active in general but also worked out. However, I have always had 'cankles'. Seriously...I have big ankles and you can barely tell where they stop and my calves start. No matter how much I worked out, they didn't seem to get smaller. I still don't like them but I've learned to live with it. Moving up a little, since my very early 20's I've had spider veins above the back of my knee, my ankles, and now other areas of my legs. These to me are so unsightly and make me feel like an old lady!! I'm too young for these! I will eventually get laser repair for those (I hope). I talked to a dr about it and they recommended waiting until I'm done having children. I keep waiting for that. Maybe I should go ahead and do it. Staying with the legs, my thighs are cellulite and not really toned. They could be worse but could definitely be better. I am appalled at myself in shorts. GROSS!!! Moving up again, my butt....aye aye aye...it's saggy and jiggly....always has been. Yes, I have a butt that looks decent in jeans so I can't complain with that but with a swimsuit or nothing at all, I just think EWWW!! Don't even get me started on running, working out, or dancing. JIGGLE JIGGLE JIGGLE!! Up to my stomach. I must say, before I had Kiya, I loved my stomach and never really had to work on it. I had nice abs and rarely had what I felt might be love handles and I had a cute little belly button. During pregnancy...the last 2 weeks I might add....I got the dreaded stretch marks. They itched like crazy!! From the time I had her, I covered my stomach up with my arm anytime my husband was around. Not only was I embarrassed by my stretch marks but also my flabby disgusting stomach. How could anyone be attracted to THAT!!?? I felt so ugly and hated my body from that point. Luckily, my stretch marks aren't red anymore like they were at first. Now they are white and are only around my belly button area but they are still noticeable and wrinkly looking because of the loose skin. I HATE HATE HATE my stomach. I am grossed out by it. Seriously. I'm still very self conscious about it though I'm trying my best to just deal with it. I'm really not self-conscious about my arms because they are naturally skinny as a rail. Haha!! I'm also self-conscious about my jaw and my nose. I don't like either one of those. I didn't like it anyway but it made it worse when someone actually pointed it out. They said 'Wow. Your chin sticks out really far.' Um. Gee. Thanks for noticing!! Really!!?? Let's state the obvious here. Anyway. It made me realize that obviously I wasn't the only one that noticed it and maybe I had a real reason for not liking it. It really bothered me. I'm pretty much over it now though. I still don't like it though and I hope my daughter's isn't the same. I got it from my dad. Some of these things, I wonder if I just worked out harder, ate strictly, etc....would they be the way I wanted them. Days I feel like I've worked out hard enough that they should be better than they are. I feel like there's no progress so I give up. Probably not the right thing to do. :) Who else thinks 'EWWWWWW!' when they look in the mirror while getting dressed?  I do quite often. Too often I'm sure. Okay...enough complaining. Now for the positive part.

As I get older, instead of dwelling on my stomach (my biggest issue)...maybe I should just be happy with the body that I have. I am skinny and I think pretty healthy and for now I'm still in my 20's. I should be enjoying it. I also learned something the hard way. One day a few years ago when my daughter was close to 2 yrs old. I said something like 'I look fat in this' when Kiya was in the room. Later she said.."mommy fat". That's when I realized I shouldn't say these things with Kiya around. I want her to think that I'm confident and that I'm happy with myself. I know that one day she'll go through these struggles as well. When she's a teen, that's when body image is most important to us. I want her to be confident with herself and her body. She also sees me workout so hopefully she will follow in my footsteps with that. I finally wore a bikini out in public. I was very self-conscious about my stomach. I mean VERY but I just had to try to ignore it. I have to remind myself that my body is a temple and I should really take care of it. Inside and out. I've been working more on the inside lately which is a good thing. Maybe that's why I'm slacking on the outside. Okay. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. :) 

Psalm 139:13-16
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

FOR THE GUYS

I haven't done a post geared towards guys so I figured I'd give it a shot. Here's what I'm thinking. This will be geared towards husbands/future husbands. Men and women think so differently. We all know that. Here are some tips for you guys to make your life a little easier. Ok, maybe not but it should at least make your wife happy if you do these things. These are just random little things that you can do to make her day. From experience, I'll say this. Doing some of these things....not necessarily all at once..will make her love you more and probably WANT you more if you catch my drift. 

THINGS TO DO: 

• tell her she's beautiful...'hot', 'sexy', etc are flattering but they aren't the same as 'beautiful'
• touch her...in a loving way (hand on her back, move her hair out of her face, hold her hand, etc)
• compliment her skills as a mother
• tell her she's doing a great job
• tell her you love her (other than when getting off the phone or leaving the house)
• grab her and kiss her for no reason (feel free to do a little dip too) She'll love it! 
• open and close her car door for her. Nothing like a gentleman. It makes us feel special.
• do one of her 'chores' without being asked
• buy her flowers for no reason at all
• have her join in on your home projects whether she's good at it or not
• take her out on a date
• offer to keep the kids and tell her to go get a manicure/pedicure, massage, facial (whatever she likes)
• if you have children, help her with them (bathing, bedtime, diaper changing, etc)
• cook dinner once a week for her...AND clean up the mess!
• PRAY TOGETHER!

THINGS NOT TO DO:

• Don't ask why the laundry isn't done....or anything else for that matter.
• Don't make her mad and then expect to 'get some'. You know what I mean. 
• Don't tell her you want to go somewhere and expect her to be ready to walk out the door in 5 minutes. 
• Don't complain about her cooking skills or food choice...unless you want to start cooking for her.
• Don't make her feel stupid or not good enough. 
• Do not degrade her, hit her, scream at her, etc. 
• There are probably a million more things not to do but I'm going blank at the moment.

I hope these things help you out a little. We don't expect to get these treatments all the time (especially if it's new for you) but it sure makes us feel loved when you do. To me, these 'TO DO' items are romantic. That's what us women long for...romance. Men can just want sex immediately. Women need to feel loved to get in the mood.  So if you ever wonder why your wife isn't just 'ready to go' like you are, maybe the romance is missing. Don't expect to be romantic 5 minutes before. Make it an all day thing. :) 

Ephesians 5:25-29

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church

Words of Encouragement....Song Lyrics John Waller "While I'm Waiting"

Since January, I have been listening to pretty much only Praise and Worship music. The times I haven't, it's because Lance is driving and wants it on country or my radio won't pick up the Christian station. I now know almost all of the songs. I love it and I love that Kiya knows them too. She walks around the house singing songs about God. Nothing better!!!!

Today while I was online (and keeping a pg friend and her health and baby on my mind) this song came on. It included the words that I always need to hear and remind myself. No matter what it is that you are waiting for, this song will give you encouragement and remind us of how we need to live our lives. 

Here are the lyrics.

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Love these lyrics!!! 

Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

Isaiah 40:31 
But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.

Romans 12:12 
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

My Constant Reminder...to trust God.

I have been pretty busy and well just riding a 'writer's block' as well. :) All week I have been volunteering at Vacation Bible School. Today's verse was Isaiah 26:4 "Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal rock." 

The past few days I have been struggling with my constant desire to have another child. I know that God has HIS plan and I just have to remember that, constantly. My human nature wants it soooo bad and right now. I just have to remind myself that God's timing is best. I gave my desire to God a few months ago and I have been doing great with that. Every month when I realize that I am not pregnant, I'm okay with it. There's always going to be a little sadness there every month but each month wasn't started with a good cry as it was before. This month wasn't either but it's just been on my brain a good bit more. My human nature wants to say "I've had faith and trust in God, I've been patient and prayerful. Why am I not pregnant? Everyone else is getting pregnant and it comes so easy to them. It's not fair!" I am quickly reminded by the Holy Spirit that I should be faithful no matter what and I know that God has His timing. I'm going to say that over and over by the way. :) If my next pregnancy is anything like the last one, I'll be pretty sick!! I was sick all day every day from week 6 through week 16. I think I'll do okay with caring for Kiya but as far as traveling or being super busy, that's just not going to be easy. We have our move in 2 weeks and also a trip planned mid-July (right when morning sickness would start). That wouldn't be good for a 10 hr drive there and 10 hrs back. I remind myself of this when I wonder why I'm not pregnant. God knows what he's doing!! 

You other moms will understand this, somewhat anyway. Hopefully! You may just think I'm crazy. We all have those days that we feel like we are failing as a parent. Some days I think, GOSH! I don't even deserve another child. It's not that I'm doing anything horrible but I just feel horrible when I lose my patience or just am not in a good mood and it's obvious or I get aggravated easily. Not my proudest moments!! Other times, when she is being extremely difficult and I just want to pull my hair out, I think..."Do I really want another child?" That's not really a good thought to think and I immediately say to myself, "Of course I DO!" Being a mom is the most rewarding job. I love it and am so happy that I have been blessed with a beautiful sweet daughter! Of course, I hope to add to our family and the longer it takes us to get pregnant, the more children I want. Call me crazy but I would love to have twins! :) 

Isaiah 26:4 "Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal rock." 

UNGLUED

As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm doing a Bible study called 'Unglued' by Lysa Terkheurst. I have realized in the study that my unglued moments are always with my daughter Kiya. It's when I have just had enough. It's not usually after one day of disrespect, but after several in a row or on a day that I'm just exhausted. I don't usually just yell at her but I tend to have less patience. There have been some days that I yell and I feel horrible. What I realized last week is that my unglued moments are almost NEVER with my husband. We might have a little spat but it's usually over nothing and we don't yell at each other. We never have. It makes me ashamed that I'd yell at my daughter but not him. I'm proud to say that I don't have those moments where I just lose control with him and I hope he appreciates it. Now to just never yell at her and I'll be good to go. :) With that being said.....a confession is below!!

This has been on my heart and mind for a few days now. I feel such guilt and embarrassment! I have never been one to just go off on someone especially not a random stranger. However, the other day while swimming with some friends, these children kept splashing us. You may think, yeah, you're in a public pool, that will happen. Yes. That is true. Here's how it started. My friend and I are trying to help our 5 yr old daughters how to swim. This pool is huge and these kids decided to canon ball right beside us in the pool. One child might not have been old enough to know to be courteous to other people but the others were definitely old enough, pre-teens I'm guessing. So, the first couple of times, it was annoying because not only was the pool freezing but it's just rude. Yes, we are in a pool but if I wanted my face, head, eyes etc soaked, I would have dunked myself. We turned to look at them the first two times but after that, I had just had enough !!! I turned around and splashed them back. Real mature, huh? I still can't believe I did it. Either way, it didn't seem to bother them which was okay with me. I think they got the hint though. So a moment later, their father came up to me and said "I saw you get aggressive with my children. You are in a public pool and you're going to get splashed." First off, I did not get AGGRESSIVE with his children. I splashed them with water. When he said that to me, I just had to defend myself. I told him (or tried to) that they had done it several times and I was tired of it. He said that he was watching them the whole time. My response to that was something to this effect...."any normal parent, would have told them to be courteous to other people around them and watch where they are splashing". He said that he was standing up for them and wouldn't I do the same? I said of course I would and I was. They weren't just splashing us, they were splashing our children. My whole point was not that I was mad for being splashed but instead that he saw them doing it and didn't care. I'm sorry but if my child was splashing complete strangers (whether on purpose or not), have some manners and teach them to look around them and be courteous. That's just common sense and being a good parent. I eventually had to tell him that I was done talking to him because he was just sitting there attacking me and not listening. I really did feel bad later on and very immature for reacting that way. I felt attacked by him and didn't appreciate it at all. Later on, he told them...'Stay away from those ladies. They are delicate.' I wanted to say something but I didn't. Will power!! :) I will add this though. About 30 minutes later, his child jumped in and splashed him in the face. What do you think he did? He turned around and splashed them back, right in their face. I think he just wanted something to complain about. Oh well. What's done is done. I sat there that whole time thinking I should go apologize but I just didn't do it.

Well, there's my unglued moment. Embarrassed that I acted that way and glad that God forgives!! I hope that guy forgave me to, even though I didn't apologize.

Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Military 3 Day Diet Results

Hi everyone!!!

Sorry this is a few days late. I did finish the diet on time and weigh myself the day after though. I was excited to see that my weight was 117.9 (if I remember correctly). I had lost 4.2 lbs!!!!! Was it worth being really hungry for 3 days, I think so! I don't know that I'll do it again but if I do, I'll be researching some substitutions. The cottage cheese was the hardest for me. I don't mind it in a gelatin but it was horrible by itself!! I wanted to gag after every bite. I mixed applesauce in with it so that helped a little. I may have lost more weight if I hadn't added 90 calories one day and 100 and something another day. I did workout one of those days though. 

If you are used to not eating much throughout the day, this diet may be just fine for you. I eat 3 meals a day though typically and also snacks so I didn't like not having a snack. It was 3 meals and that was it!!!! Nothing in between. I will say though that dinner time I was always satisfied. One night I was even almost too full to eat the ice cream I was allowed afterwards. :) 

Now that the 3 day diet is over, I'm doing a 30 day Ab and Squat challenge and my calorie limit each day is 1200. If I workout and burn some of those calories, I eat them again to make up the difference. I use MyFitnessPal app. It's a great one for those watching their weight. It keeps up with your calories for you and most items you can easily find the calorie count for on there. You just put in your goal weight and go from there. 

Good luck to you if you decided to try this!!!! I'd love to hear your results!!!

I love having a little girl !!! Ballet recital was today.

I know I've complained about my strong-willed child but she's my world. She is sweet, kind and generous. She's also independent and confident. I love those qualities about her. Today she had her 2nd ballet recital and she didn't seem nervous at all! I know she's my daughter and all but I think she's just absolutely gorgeous! Those blue eyes and her dimples!! I just love them! Right now she has a smile that is missing a tooth, has two adult teeth, one of those being crooked, and another loose tooth. :) I just love it though. It does make me sad that she's growing up so fast though and losing her baby teeth. She's now 5, as of last week and I can hardly believe it!! At the recital today she just kept looking at me and grinning. Nothing like seeing the joy on your child's face when they know you are watching them and they are making you proud. She did real well on her dance and the finale dance. She really enjoyed the finale more I think. I took a few pictures at the recital but I wanted some more personal shots so after we got home, I took some more. See below!!!

Finally !!!!! Military Diet Day 3 is over!!!!

Okay. Day 3 !!! 

Meals:

Breakfast - 1 slice of cheddar cheese (I did block cheese), 1 small apple, 5 saltine crackers

Lunch - 1 slice of bread or toast and one boiled egg. How do they expect people to be satisfied with that? 

Dinner - 1 cup of tuna (1 can), 1/2 banana, and 1 cup of vanilla ice cream (I was actually satisfied with this)

I noticed on MyFitnessPal that this day is only 801 calories. No wonder I was so hungry today! I did not cheat not ONCE today! I'm ready to see the results in the morning. I'll be posting a follow up. 

I most likely will not do this diet again. I have a good metabolism typically, so I feel like I need a good bit more calories than this. I did not have much energy these past 3 days and I was almost constantly really hungry. Hopefully this was a good jumpstart to get me where I want to be though. If I can keep my calories at a reasonable amount, I can get to where I want to be. Darn sweet tooth is my problem. I'm really surprised at myself and how much will-power I've had these past few days, other than the 2 chocolate covered almonds yesterday. :) I think that added 90 calories to my day but I can't fuss too much about that. I assume I worked it off somehow. 

Watch for my update tomorrow. I'm ready for morning to come so I can weigh myself and get the final result!!! 

Military Diet Day 2

Day two:

Meals:

Breakfast - 1 piece of whole wheat toast, 1 egg (cooked how you like it) fried, 1/2 banana

Lunch - 1 cup of cottage cheese, 1 hard-boiled egg, and 5 saltine crackers

Dinner - 2 hot dogs (no bun), 1 cup broccoli, 1/2 cup carrots, 1/2 banana, 1/2 cup vanilla ice cream

Drinks -  I had water only

Okay. Most of that wasn't half bad but it took me A WHILE to eat the cottage cheese. Gag me!! It was horrible. One cup doesn't seem like a lot but trust me, it is!! After about 2 bites, I decided I would take a spoonful of it out and replace it with apple sauce. That helped a little. I was so glad when that last bite was in my mouth and I could be done with it. Believe it or not, dinner actually filled me up.

It was a struggle today not to touch any other food item because I was really hungry!! I did sneak in 2 chocolate covered almonds though. :)

All of these items, I added into my log on MyFitnessPal app on my iPhone. I had a total of 991 calories (including the almonds). That's just insane how few calories that is. Geez!!! No wonder I was so hungry!! I told myself though that I'm going to finish the 3 days though. I'm ready for it to be over with so I can eat. :) I won't be pigging out but I'm going to eat more than what I have the past 2 days.

Military Diet Day 1

Ok. So I know a lot of you (that know me) will say "why are you on a diet? You are skinny." With that said, yes, I am skinny but not happy with the 5-ish lbs that I have gained in the past few months. How the heck did that happen? I knew I felt a little bigger. 5 lbs on someone my size is noticeable. I exercise regularly but I haven't been eating all that well. So, I decided to try the military diet. It's a 3 day diet. You can either do it once or you can do 3 days on, 4 days off until you have reached your goal weight. I'll be doing just the 3 days. I'll probably continue to cut calories too but not quite as much as the diet. I did Zumba this morning too so I burned some calories too. Probably should have eaten a little more to make up for that but I wanted to follow this exactly to see what my real results will be.

So, day 1. I weighed myself this morning on my Wii and it said 122. YIKES!! I haven't weighed that much in a while!! Not happy with that. Anywho...I don't know how accurate that is because it was the Wii and also day 3 of my cycle (AF). Not that you needed to know that but it may make a difference. 

Today's food was 

Breakfast: 1/2 grapefruit, 2 TBSP of Peanut Butter and 1 slice of whole wheat toast. It also says coffee or tea but I can't drink either one without sugar so I drank water. 

Lunch: 1 can of Tuna (in water), 1 slice of bread or toast (whole wheat) and coffee (water for me)

Dinner: FINALLY some food!! I ate before 5:00 because I was starving!!! 
    3 oz of any type of meat (I had chicken breast), 1/2 banana, 1 small apple, 1 cup green beans and one cup of VANILLA Ice Cream! Whoohoo! Dessert!! 

After day one, I'm dreading days 2 and 3. I have had a headache half of the day. Not sure if it's because of hunger or just coincidence. I'll let you know after tomorrow. Tomorrow's lunch looks really minimal. I did really well today and did not cheat though a few items looked really tasty!!!!!!

I did increase my water intake from a typical day so that's good. I actually drank almost the recommended daily amount. 

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

The perfect Sunday

This is sort of a followup from my last post. It was a stressful week but this Sunday made it easier to forget about. At church we have been discussing grace. Giving grace to others, forgiving and forgetting. We've been studying Philemon in the Bible. I honestly don't remember ever studying this book before. Philemon is a very short book of the Bible. Long story short, Onesimus was a slave to Philemon. He stole from him and ran away. While gone, Onesimus heard the word preached by Paul and was saved. Paul pleaded to Philemon to forgive Onesimus because he changed his ways and was a follower of Christ now. He had never been of any use to Philemon but now he was very useful to him. Oddly enough, his name, Onesimus, means 'useful'. He ultimately fulfilled the meaning of his name. He also later became a pastor to Philemon.

How amazing is this story? Philemon could have chosen to judge Onesimus by his past. He stole from him and ran away. Instead, he chose to believe and trust that he had changed and had the Lord in his heart. We should all give this kind of grace. We tend to hold grudges and find it hard to forgive (and forget) things that people have done to us. I'm actually struggling right now with this. I'm pretty sure we could all use this advice and encouragement. We NEED to. We were given grace by God and we should do the same to others.

Almost right as we arrived at church, I went for a cup of coffee. There were two men standing there and I smiled. One said to the other "Look at that smile. That's joy from the Lord." That just made my day because it's so true. No matter how bad I felt that my week was, there were several moments where Kiya was so sweet and I know 100% that I was chosen to raise her and even though I feel like I'm doing something wrong and not succeeding, I know she's a sweet girl and I AM doing something right. I love seeing her sweet face and those precious dimples!! I'm blessed to have her. Our lives are blessed and I am so overjoyed to have found a church home that I look forward to going to.

As I was sitting in church today, I realized how far I've come in my relationship with Christ. Through motherhood, Bible studies, infertility, moving, etc....I have actually GROWN closer to Christ. I could choose to give up and have no hope or faith but I know that God has a plan for us and HIS timing is best. I went to the prayer team this morning to have someone pray for me for a few things and the man that I prayed with reminded me of this verse. Mark 11:24 Therefore I say unto you, All things whatsoever ye pray and ask for, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

After prayer time was over, the pastor began his sermon and started with a husband and wife and said (calling them by name)...."As you were up here asking for prayer, God spoke to me and said that doors will open for you." I don't remember all of what he said but he went into detail a little more. Then he looked at me and called me by name and said that things are about to begin for me as well. Not his exact words but pretty much what he said. I have to have faith and KNOW that he's right. Right now, I'm in a storm (infertility) and I know that my rainbow is coming.

They also said something else in church that really spoke to me. It makes perfect sense. They said that when we aren't doing anything (whether that be spiritually or not having any struggles), the devil leaves us alone. The moment we begin something (trying to conceive, building a relationship with Christ), the devil appears and begins to mess with us. This is very true. He tries to attack us at our most vulnerable state. We can either have faith in Christ or fall with defeat and stay there. We have to be willing to keep our faith and trust in Christ. Look back to any time where you were really struggling with begging God for something you wanted so badly and you felt that it should happen right then. When it finally did happen, didn't you look back and think "OOOOHHH...I am so glad it happened this way and not when I originally asked for it"? Even now as we are still trying to conceive, I absolutely look back and say that I am so glad that I didn't get pregnant the first year we were trying, even year two. God knew what timing was right for us. Our faith in God gives us the strength to go on and the strength to face each day and each struggle.

Let me add one thing...this used to be me. This was also said in church today and it's SO true! If you are too cool or embarrassed to raise your hands in church to praise God, then you are not free. God's love comes with freedom. This song is the perfect one for this topic. I love this song!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCEUvY2bCDA

Hebrews 10:22

let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.

WOW what a week...followed by a wonderful Sunday

Last week was a stressful week. Not only did I realize that we need a house to move in to and only have 2 months to do it...but Kiya was a little stinker this week. I was ready for the weekend even though I don't work outside the home. Just not HAVING to get up and have somewhere to go, was a relief...not having the daily battle of trying to get Kiya ready for school in time too.

This whole week, my stubborn, hard-headed, strong-willed SWEETIE PIE :) just about drove me to insanity. I told my husband after the week was over that I can't handle another week like that one. Every day the day started off okay until it was time to get ready for school. Each morning was full of me repeating myself over and over and over. Whether it be me saying "it's time to get dressed" or "It's time to go", I bet I said each one 20 times before it was actually done. Needless to say, every day started with a time out in the corner. Each day also included the words from my daughter "I HATE YOU! I DON'T LIKE YOU!" She's almost 5. I swear some days she's a teenager in a 4 yr old's body. After the morning meltdowns, we made it to the school and she apologized for her behavior. Once I picked her up at noon, it started again. Just talking back, not obeying quickly, and me having to tell her a million times to do what I've requested. Some days I feel helpless, like I have tried everything possible to teach her that her behavior is unacceptable. She spends time in time out, we spank occasionally, take toys away, take tv away, we discuss why it's wrong and that it's not acceptable, etc. Nothing seems to get the point across to her. Yeah she realizes it after the fact that she shouldn't act that way but how do I get her to just not do it at all? I had enough by the end of the week. I promise she doesn't act that way because she doesn't get punished. She does. Anyone have any tips on how to knock some sense into her? Haha!!! I asked my husband yesterday if he thinks that she is acting out because he has been working almost non-stop. It's pretty much just she and I at home all the time. 

Saturday was almost as bad, that little smart mouth of hers just kept on going. We were eating at a fast food restaurant and when it was time to go (after playing), she didn't want to put her shoes on. She said "YOU DO IT!". I refuse to do it when she doesn't ask me properly. She kept on and on so we went to the bathroom. I made her go barefoot just so ya know. We get to the bathroom and in the stall to have a talk and she's still getting her little attitude, saying she hates me and says she isn't going to look at me. Each time she refused to do what I asked, I popped her bottom. Then she looked at me and stuck her tongue out and made the little spitting noise. She can be so disrespectful. I really don't think my sanity could take much more at this point. She finally got her act together and we left the bathroom. She then had the nerve to cry because she couldn't have ice cream. I reminded her why did wasn't getting it, after she just acted that way. At least after that her mood changed and she was a perfect little angel. I guess she had to have her little meltdown and then she was fine. I'm sure I'm not alone in all of these struggles. Anyone have any advice for me?

Sunday was refreshing!! I had a wonderful time at church and the whole day went by without having to punish Kiya. It was a good day. :) Let's hope this week is better than the last one. At least we both survived it. 

Being a Mother Is.... fun, scary, the best thing in the world, awesome!!!!

Being a mother is......

• enjoying every first! Cooing, feeding, yawns, smiles, laughter, crawling, walking, talking....each new word makes you full of excitement! 
• watching your child dance for the first time (bending at the knees and bouncing) and when your child, if a girl, twirls like a ballerina for the first time. Admire them.
• watching your daughter priss around in your dress and heels and being surprised at how well she can walk in 3-5 inch heels. 
• enjoying every sweet kiss and hug.
• the funny things they say even the embarrassing things. 
• the first haircut and the tear you shed.
• the joy they get from a new toy, a fun game they play, rides they are finally big enough for.
• cuddle time.
• the bedtime stories you read and all the questions you get with it.
• the songs you make up for them to make them laugh or soothe them.
• dancing like an idiot to make them happy.
• playing Barbies or army men with them because it's what THEY like. 
• watching Barney for the millionth time because it's their favorite. 
• comforting them when they cry and knowing when to not do it because you've just punished them for doing wrong. 
• teaching them to be tough when they really aren't hurt. 
• knowing what each cry means whether it be as a baby...hunger, sleepy, just wanting to be held to an older child knowing when they are REALLY hurt or really sad compared to just crying to get attention. 
• knowing that it's your child that says 'MOMMY!' in a crowd of 20 children. You just KNOW. 
• leaving your child for the first time with someone else. Watching them cry as you leave. That's the worst feeling! 
• knowing your child is sick but there's not much you can do to help them. 
• punishing your child when it's needed. Not easy but has to be done. 
• not being able to eat a warm meal....EVER! 
• hearing MOMMY 50 million times a day. Yes, it's a beautiful sound but it can run you ragged too. 
• washing the same clothes over and over because somehow they manage to make their way out of the dresser or closet, onto the floor and you don't remember if it was actually worn or not. 
• knowing what your child's 'poo' looks like and when it's just not normal! 
• being extra cautious with your first child because you don't know what to expect or how to do anything. Even though you've always been around babies, it's different and more intimidating when it's your own. 
• knowing when to take other people's advice or when to just listen and still do your own thing. Your child will let you know what works. 
• learning the hard way how to do things. 
• hearing your child say they hate you because you are being 'mean'. 
• having play dates just so you can get out of the house and the kid(s) can be entertained and you can get your sanity back. :) 
• knowing every freckle, scar, bump, bruise, and scrape on your child's body. 
• panicking when your child just ran into the corner of the table, dresser or anything else they hit and you just KNOW they are hurt. You just wonder how bad. ER trip? Hope not. 
• the first time your child needs stitches. For me it was around 9 months old. Talk about freaking out!!! I was so scared, my neighbor had to drive me to the ER and she drove 40 miles an hour. Really! Did she not see the panic!? :) Luckily they did the glue stitches (Dermabond) but that wasn't fun at all and it wasn't fun when everyone kept asking me what happened. Looked like I beat my child. It was right on her eyebrow. 
• the moment when you don't know what to say because you are that shocked/amused/embarrassed by what your child just said or asked. 
• the moment when you realize how smart your child is....beyond her age.
• coming to the realization that your child is growing up way to fast and you don't know how she isn't still a baby. 
• the moment when you have tried every form of punishment you can think of and your child still hasn't learned. 
• when you cry because you've had it up to 'here' (picture your hand above my head) and you just need to lock yourself in your room and cry it out...breathe and start over. 
• when you feel guilty because you need 'me' time. Trust me, you need it to be a better mother/wife. If you are rested and happy, your child will sense it. 

There are so many more of these. I'm sorry it was all over the place but that's life as a mommy anyway. You think in randomness - I do anyway - and your thoughts are scattered. Somehow you manage to get things done and survive the day as do your children! I love being a mommy. The good, the bad, and the ugly all matter in life. We learn from all of them. Enjoy the good, get past the bad and the ugly. Enjoy your kids! They grow up way to fast! 

One day old May 10, 2008

Almost 5 yrs old. Boy how she's changed!

John 16:21

When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.

20 Random Interesting/Odd Facts about Me

Hi everyone! I just thought I'd share a few interesting and fun facts about me. Some of these things you may know and some you may be surprised by. :) ENJOY!


1. My great-great-grandfather helped design the Seattle Space Needle.

2. My great-great-grandmothers on both sides of my family are 100% Native American. Hard to believe considering how white I am. Haha! I also have German, Irish, English and Polish. I think those genes took over! You could tell that my dad was part Indian because when he was tan, he was red. I'm pretty sure that I'm part Cherokee and part Choctaw. You can tell my mom is part Indian because her hair is so dark, it's almost black. 

3. Growing up, I had 4 sets of grandparents (both sets of grandparents remarried) and I got to meet and know my great-grandparents. 

4. In 8th grade, I had Scarlet Fever! If you ever tell me that you have strep or you THINK you or your child might, don't be offended when I quickly back away! It is caused by strep. My sister was a carrier and we didn't know it. I will remember that week for the rest of my life. I didn't eat at all and barely drank anything for 7 days. 

5. At the age of 12, I was a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. I bet you didn't see that one coming! Yep! It's true!

6. I have moved more in my adult life more than most people do in a LIFETIME! Thanks KCS Railroad! Though I am very happy where I am right now and it has been nice seeing and living in new places. I've met a lot of great people along the way. 

7. The day Lance offered me his phone number as he said "If anything ever happens with you and your b/f, call me", that night, my then boyfriend broke up with me with this statement (after he had belittled me for buying a like-new car) .... Let me start over so it makes sense....As he was putting me down, I told him that my mother had low self esteem because my father talked to her that way sometimes and this is what he said....'If you think I'm going to turn you into your mother, then we might as well break up now.' Yeah. Idiot. He came begging back the next day saying he was joking. Um. I don't think so. It wasn't a joke to me. Well, now the joke is on HIM!! Anyway, FATE had it's way that day. So glad I met the love of my life ! Funny how life works. God had a plan.

8. I have OCD tendencies. :) I'm not a perfectionist but I like things to look pretty and correct. I hair or fuzz on someone shirt, tag sticking out, one sleeve edge folded up, drives me nuts !!!!! If you look in my towel cabinet, they are all folded exactly the same and they look nice and presentable. Even my wash cloths are all facing the same direction. Just the other day, I put a spice back in the spice cabinet and immediately opened it back up to turn the label to the front. Yeah. I'm OCD. Ask my siblings. :) If I'm counting something, it bothers me when it lands on an odd number. Ok. Now I just sound weird. It's true though. 

9. After biting my nails most of my life, I've finally broken the habit!! Mostly! Haha! I finally have long nails. I've never been able to say that. 

10. I have a Medical Transcription certificate that I haven't been able to use because when I finished my courses, all the companies I could apply for required 2-5 yrs experience. What the heck!! 

11. I love surgery/hospital/emergency shows! It sort of makes sense now. When I was in middle school and high school, my 3 siblings and I had one night per week that we could choose what we wanted to watch that night. I think my day was Tuesday and I chose it because that's when Rescue 911 came on. That was my favorite show!!! I loved it! 

12. I've had 4 boyfriends, 3 of those were long lasting relationships. One was 3 yrs (my first love), one 2 yrs and the last and final one is about 9 yrs together so far!

13. I want to be spontaneous but I'm not. I like to have a plan. I think I need a push to be spontaneous. It's not that I WON'T do anything spontaneous, I'm just cautious. 

14. I'm actually very shy. If I feel comfortable with someone, I open up pretty quickly but a lot of times, I sit there quietly because I don't know what to say or I'm nervous and uncomfortable. This is usually in crowds of more than just one on one. 

15. I've NEVER had a speeding ticket !!! The only ticket I've ever had was because my inspection sticker was expired (by a few days) and I didn't realize it. It was dropped so I guess technically that one doesn't count. :) Right?

16. Though I've never had a wreck where I was driving (thank the LORD!), I have been in a few wrecks though. My first one that I remember....I was with my mom and siblings and I was sitting in the front seat. We were going down a quiet road behind an 18 wheeler when all of a sudden, the truck starting backing up towards us. My mom started backing up as well and backed into a gravel drive to get out of his way. Apparently, that's where the truck was going too because he backed right into us and onto the hood of the car. My mom had nowhere to go. Scary moment!!!! As she's laying on the horn, he has no clue he's hitting us. He finally stopped because he blew a tire. Needless to say, he lost is license. I was in another accident when I was in middle school. My mom's power steering went out in a curve and we hit another car. We were all fine luckily. 

17. I've had 2 broken bones in my lifetime. My pinky toe (Thanks NICKI!).....and my tailbone which was broken because I was pushed almost off of my own trampoline, hitting my tailbone in the process. I have permanent issues with that one. Nothing I can't handle though. I've had only one surgery in my lifetime and it was from having Kiya. OUCH! 

18. When I was a child, my arm constantly dislocated itself at the elbow. 

19. I'm a southpaw. 

20. At the age of 16 or 17, I found out that I am allergic to egg whites and shellfish. Someone might need to know this one day. Certain medications have these in them. Also allergic to penicillin. 

Life as a Railroad Wife

As a railroad wife, I have learned to never plan any family events more than a day in advance. Even then, things can change. When my husband and I first started dating, he was already working for the railroad as a Conductor. He had a set schedule though. He worked 4 pm-4 am and was off a couple days each week. After we were together about 1 1/2 yrs they mentioned that he may have to be transferred to another location for 6 months to a year. We were asked where we would like to go (out of 6 locations) and we chose Corpus Christi, TX. Four days before Christmas, we were told that he had to be there and report on duty the day after Christmas. SO....they gave us 5 days notice to move!!! That should have been a warning sign there. So I mentioned they said 6 months to a year. Well, 7 yrs later, we are still in TX. We aren't in Corpus Christi anymore though so I guess technically they didn't LIE. While in Corpus Christi, we married. Just to clear that up. :) After those 9 months we lived in the Houston area where we actually were able to stay for a couple of years.

Since being married, my husband bounced back and forth between two locations for 9 months, leaving my daughter and I behind until his location was set. That was tough for all of us. Kiya and I ended up going to MS with our families until he had a permanent location. For 7 months, we lived in two different states. He missed out on hearing her learn to say more and more words and boy was she growing fast. We saw each other once a month during those months. Finally, we moved to Laredo, TX with him. It is the border of Mexico and not a safe area so we stayed away from there as long as we could. After being there with him for 5 weeks, back to Corpus Christi we went for another 9 months. Then, after those months, he was transferred to the Houston area. Geez! Are you confused yet? Me too and I lived it!!! 

Now that we are here settled in a small town outside of Houston, we love it!! We are really hoping to be settled now and that we won't be moved somewhere else. The chance is slim to none so we'll see! Now the things we deal with are him being stuck in a hotel for hours on end and barely being home sometimes. I do really like though that there are those occasions where he is home for a few days in a row. It's just hard with him being on call 24/7 and almost 365 days/year. The only time he isn't on call is when he is on vacation 3 weeks out of the year. Those weeks are nice!! We have no way of making plans when he isn't on vacation. He has a 2 hr call and it takes him almost an hour to get to work so really no way to go do anything more than a few minutes away from home. Though it's a stressful job for the whole family, I am happy that he works for the railroad because we have great benefits and pay. It allows me to be able to stay home with our daughter and I appreciate it so much!!!  I really don't know how military wives do it. It's got to be SUPER tough to be away from your husband for so long and raising kids alone.

Sorry this blog was more complaining than anything. Thanks for reading! 

Wow I'm behind on my blog! I try to blog about whatever comes to mind that I think will make a good blog. I haven't had that ah-ha moment recently. I've pretty much just been truckin' along in daily life. We all get busy with our own things going on. That's what makes life enjoyable....being busy but enjoying life as well. 

The past 2 weeks have been fairly busy. We celebrated Easter with some awesome friends, our old neighbors. They were so sweet to invite us to the celebration. They are like parents to us and we just love them. We brought food, ate lunch, chatted with some new friends and watched the kids do an egg hunt. It's always so fun and they are very cute. My husband was able to be there so I was very thankful for that. He was called on Easter day though before church so he couldn't join us for that. I enjoyed that service so much! Jesus paid the ultimate price for us and then rose from the grave! What an amazing God we serve!! 

After Easter was over, things slowed down a little. It was back to normal daily routines. In a typical week, we pretty much do the same thing on set days. Mondays are Bible study for me and school and ballet for my daughter Kiya. Throughout the week, I also attend Zumba or get out and run. Thursdays are Zumba and Bible study or MOPS. I'm going to be sad when MOPS is over for the semester. :( At least I'll have Bible study for a little while longer. MOPS is a great outlet for me. I get my 'me' time and time with other mommies. It's nice to be able to relate to others and have that fellowship time. It's also nice hearing from speakers and learning a new perspective. 

I realized this week that Kindergarten registration is at the end of this month. YIKES!!! I cannot believe that my daughter will soon be 5 and will be going into Kindergarten in August. My baby is growing way to fast! It amazes me how time flies. :( She can be difficult at times but I wouldn't trade her for the world. She's so sweet and is kindhearted. Every time we go to ballet, she takes flowers for her friends and teachers. She's so thoughtful. She's strong-willed and independent. I know one day she'll be a strong woman. I just hope it doesn't fly by as quickly as the first 5 years has. I'll attach some photos of my sweetie. Most of you know what she looks like but there might be a few people following the blog that don't. 

I know I've rambled in this post but I just typed what came to mind. 

Psalm 118:14-16

The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.  Shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous: "The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!  The LORD's right hand is lifted high; the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!"

Yummy Breakfast or Treat Recipe

We really enjoy having parfaits! They are delicious!!!! It can be an easy breakfast or a snack or even dessert if you like. Here's what I use.

Special K Cereal (Original)
Strawberry Yogurt .... You can use plain yogurt. It's the healthier option.
Strawberries. Feel free to change up your yogurt flavors or fruits.

Layer Cereal, Yogurt and Fruit until you reach the top. Top with fruit.

This isn't the best picture but you can still tell how delicious it looks!!!

Struggles of parenting...godliness vs humanness

I have just recently started a study called Unglued - Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa Terkeurst. She's a wonderful writer. She's honest about what she has done whether good or bad and she has learned (and is still learning) how to change. She teaches us that no matter where we are in our growth as a Christian, we are still going to make mistakes and sin. We are learning how to deal with our emotions in the heat of the moment rather than lashing out. 

We are only 2 weeks into the study and I already know that I will grow from it. Today's study just affirms what I already know....that I have a lot of growing to do as a mother, wife, and Christian woman. As much as I don't want to admit this, I'm quick to react when it comes to Kiya (my 4 yr old) but slow to react with my husband. We never raise our voices to each other and we hardly argue. However, when it comes to my daughter, I have less patience. Years ago, I promised myself that I would never yell and my children. Then I became a mother. It's amazing how quick your patience goes away. First I ask nicely (usually), then when it isn't done immediately, I ask again. Then again and again and again. These several other times I have to say it are in a voice that gets louder and louder and louder. I really try hard not to just YELL but there are some occasions that I do and I feel horrible. Sometimes you feel like that's what it takes. Though a lot of times I'm not actually yelling, I am raising my voice and using a frustrated tone. That's probably just as bad as actually yelling. I shouldn't get frustrated so easily but I do. I just get to the point where I'm tired of repeating myself and just want it done the first time. I know I'm not alone in this. I just need to know how to get Kiya to do something quickly, without having to repeat myself several times before it gets done. Today in Bible study they said that when we yell, we are doing it to feel dominant. That's true! I know a lot of us probably have the following issue. We tell our children to do something and they ignore us. Daddy comes in, says it once, and it gets done. It's not fair!!! They have that dominant thing going on without having to raise their voice. Us mothers have the children all day or most of the time and they don't listen to us. Someone please explain this to me. :) 

I'm ashamed to even say this but the other day, I was getting frustrated with Kiya over a scarf. Ridiculous, I know! We were about to leave to go somewhere and in a hurry and she decided that she wanted my scarf to wear because it was cold. I knew that it was really too long for her so I offered hers. Of course, she didn't want it so my response was FINE, WEAR IT! We have to go! ... talking about my scarf. I put it around her neck and of course, she wanted to fuss about the way I put it on her. 'No, not like that!' she said. By this point, I'm annoyed because I'm trying to get out the door and she's complaining because the scarf wasn't the way she wanted it. I knew she'd be taking it off in 5 minutes so it didn't matter how it was on. I eventually put it the way she wanted it and we were headed out the door when my husband laughed. I asked what he was laughing about and he said 'I just don't know when you aren't fussing at her.' Let's just say this made me feel pretty small because I know he's right. My response to him was 'When am I not having to tell her something a million times?' Probably not the best response to give but I was frustrated and in the moment and I felt the need to justify the way I was acting. I was trying to leave and she was slowing us down. I do tend to get in a hurry and it seems like she always needs just one more thing before we can get out the door and we add 5-10 minutes getting out the door. I should just be patient and calm down. Why do we treat the ones we love the most so horribly? When we are around others, we treat them kindly. This makes no sense but it's what we do. We want people to believe that we are kindhearted people and great parents! Not that we aren't but we are nowhere near perfect by any means. We should be kind to everyone, especially the kids we are raising and being an example to. They see it and they hurt from it. 

See? This study is going to be helpful to me. I know we can all learn some things but we have to take what we learn and use it. We will need prayer for this. When we get in those moments, we just react but if we'll take a moment to reflect and watch our little one's faces, we can change. I never want to hurt her feelings but I know I have and I realize it won't be the last time. I have to learn, grow and pray that God will help me learn from my mistakes and provide me with some patience and give me the knowledge to know HOW to change.

James 1:19-20
¹⁹ My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, ²⁰ because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.