I have just recently started a study called Unglued - Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa Terkeurst. She's a wonderful writer. She's honest about what she has done whether good or bad and she has learned (and is still learning) how to change. She teaches us that no matter where we are in our growth as a Christian, we are still going to make mistakes and sin. We are learning how to deal with our emotions in the heat of the moment rather than lashing out.
We are only 2 weeks into the study and I already know that I will grow from it. Today's study just affirms what I already know....that I have a lot of growing to do as a mother, wife, and Christian woman. As much as I don't want to admit this, I'm quick to react when it comes to Kiya (my 4 yr old) but slow to react with my husband. We never raise our voices to each other and we hardly argue. However, when it comes to my daughter, I have less patience. Years ago, I promised myself that I would never yell and my children. Then I became a mother. It's amazing how quick your patience goes away. First I ask nicely (usually), then when it isn't done immediately, I ask again. Then again and again and again. These several other times I have to say it are in a voice that gets louder and louder and louder. I really try hard not to just YELL but there are some occasions that I do and I feel horrible. Sometimes you feel like that's what it takes. Though a lot of times I'm not actually yelling, I am raising my voice and using a frustrated tone. That's probably just as bad as actually yelling. I shouldn't get frustrated so easily but I do. I just get to the point where I'm tired of repeating myself and just want it done the first time. I know I'm not alone in this. I just need to know how to get Kiya to do something quickly, without having to repeat myself several times before it gets done. Today in Bible study they said that when we yell, we are doing it to feel dominant. That's true! I know a lot of us probably have the following issue. We tell our children to do something and they ignore us. Daddy comes in, says it once, and it gets done. It's not fair!!! They have that dominant thing going on without having to raise their voice. Us mothers have the children all day or most of the time and they don't listen to us. Someone please explain this to me. :)
I'm ashamed to even say this but the other day, I was getting frustrated with Kiya over a scarf. Ridiculous, I know! We were about to leave to go somewhere and in a hurry and she decided that she wanted my scarf to wear because it was cold. I knew that it was really too long for her so I offered hers. Of course, she didn't want it so my response was FINE, WEAR IT! We have to go! ... talking about my scarf. I put it around her neck and of course, she wanted to fuss about the way I put it on her. 'No, not like that!' she said. By this point, I'm annoyed because I'm trying to get out the door and she's complaining because the scarf wasn't the way she wanted it. I knew she'd be taking it off in 5 minutes so it didn't matter how it was on. I eventually put it the way she wanted it and we were headed out the door when my husband laughed. I asked what he was laughing about and he said 'I just don't know when you aren't fussing at her.' Let's just say this made me feel pretty small because I know he's right. My response to him was 'When am I not having to tell her something a million times?' Probably not the best response to give but I was frustrated and in the moment and I felt the need to justify the way I was acting. I was trying to leave and she was slowing us down. I do tend to get in a hurry and it seems like she always needs just one more thing before we can get out the door and we add 5-10 minutes getting out the door. I should just be patient and calm down. Why do we treat the ones we love the most so horribly? When we are around others, we treat them kindly. This makes no sense but it's what we do. We want people to believe that we are kindhearted people and great parents! Not that we aren't but we are nowhere near perfect by any means. We should be kind to everyone, especially the kids we are raising and being an example to. They see it and they hurt from it.
See? This study is going to be helpful to me. I know we can all learn some things but we have to take what we learn and use it. We will need prayer for this. When we get in those moments, we just react but if we'll take a moment to reflect and watch our little one's faces, we can change. I never want to hurt her feelings but I know I have and I realize it won't be the last time. I have to learn, grow and pray that God will help me learn from my mistakes and provide me with some patience and give me the knowledge to know HOW to change.
James 1:19-20
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
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