I have been pretty busy and well just riding a 'writer's block' as well. :) All week I have been volunteering at Vacation Bible School. Today's verse was Isaiah 26:4 "Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal rock."
The past few days I have been struggling with my constant desire to have another child. I know that God has HIS plan and I just have to remember that, constantly. My human nature wants it soooo bad and right now. I just have to remind myself that God's timing is best. I gave my desire to God a few months ago and I have been doing great with that. Every month when I realize that I am not pregnant, I'm okay with it. There's always going to be a little sadness there every month but each month wasn't started with a good cry as it was before. This month wasn't either but it's just been on my brain a good bit more. My human nature wants to say "I've had faith and trust in God, I've been patient and prayerful. Why am I not pregnant? Everyone else is getting pregnant and it comes so easy to them. It's not fair!" I am quickly reminded by the Holy Spirit that I should be faithful no matter what and I know that God has His timing. I'm going to say that over and over by the way. :) If my next pregnancy is anything like the last one, I'll be pretty sick!! I was sick all day every day from week 6 through week 16. I think I'll do okay with caring for Kiya but as far as traveling or being super busy, that's just not going to be easy. We have our move in 2 weeks and also a trip planned mid-July (right when morning sickness would start). That wouldn't be good for a 10 hr drive there and 10 hrs back. I remind myself of this when I wonder why I'm not pregnant. God knows what he's doing!!
You other moms will understand this, somewhat anyway. Hopefully! You may just think I'm crazy. We all have those days that we feel like we are failing as a parent. Some days I think, GOSH! I don't even deserve another child. It's not that I'm doing anything horrible but I just feel horrible when I lose my patience or just am not in a good mood and it's obvious or I get aggravated easily. Not my proudest moments!! Other times, when she is being extremely difficult and I just want to pull my hair out, I think..."Do I really want another child?" That's not really a good thought to think and I immediately say to myself, "Of course I DO!" Being a mom is the most rewarding job. I love it and am so happy that I have been blessed with a beautiful sweet daughter! Of course, I hope to add to our family and the longer it takes us to get pregnant, the more children I want. Call me crazy but I would love to have twins! :)
Isaiah 26:4 "Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal rock."
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