It's been 8 years

Wow. I almost went the whole day without realizing what today is. It's the 8 year anniversary of my Daddy's death. I kept thinking that something was today but it just didn't click. I miss my Daddy so much. He was only 43 when he passed away and I was 21. Feb 4, 2005.

I was 18 (I think) when my parents sat down with my siblings and I to tell us that the doctor found cancer under my dad's tongue. We were heartbroken and scared. A year of chemo and fighting it, he was cancer free. When I saw my dad after surgery, it was a scary sight. His tongue was sewn shut to heal and his neck was stapled from where they removed his lymph nodes. It was a year of uncertainty and hope that it would never return. However, about a year after being cancer free, they found cancer in his ribs, hip, and lungs. Other than chemo, there wasn't much that they could do. He went from being active and around 145-160 pounds (I'm guessing here) to being 100 pounds before he passed. He lost the auburn hair to new grey hair that overwhelmed his head. He looked 70 where he was only 43. I was in college and working two jobs. I think it helped me 'deal' with it....really more like ignore that it was going on. I wish now that I had spent a lot more time with him. I was a daddy's girl. It was just so hard to see him that way. I didn't want to remember him that way. The day he passed away, we watched him take his last breath. I cried harder than I had ever cried before. I knew it was coming but you are never prepared for that. I would never see my daddy alive again. He wouldn't be there to walk me down the aisle or meet my children. I had a dream that my daddy was in the hospital bed, looking like his regular self and I walked in the room, and told him I loved him. He said 'I love you too baby' and I left. When I woke up, I felt a sense of relief, as if I had really spoken to him.

In 2006, I married the love of my life. We chose to go to the JP for a few reasons. One personal reason was because I couldn't handle having a wedding without my daddy to walk me down the aisle. I still can't go to a wedding without crying because my daddy wasn't there. The father/daughter dance gets me every time. I honestly don't know if my daddy knew Christ and had a relationship with Him but I hope and pray that he did.